When Will This Shit End?????

I honestly didn't want this blog to be a continuous whine-fest...so I've been avoiding it. I do have a couple of things to get off my chest...so here we go.

I didn't want to come in here. My situation hasn't changed....and I simply don't know what to do. I really think I'm suffering from depression. I have all the signs. I don't sleep. I've gained weight. I cry uncontrollably. I don't drink...but I think I may raid my mother's liquor closet to ease my non stop pain. I actually didn't pay my rent last month. I told my landlord that I need to use my security deposit for rent. He was very understanding. I actually had to call the corporate office of my part time gig and DEMAND that they send my check. Only God knows why they had decided to withhold my check.

I want to move to a smaller apartment...but I'm afraid that I my part time gig could dissolve at any moment...and then I'd REALLY be up shit's creek.

I spent 5 years strengthening my credit...and now it's about to be fucked up again before I'm literally living off my credit cards...and I can't afford to pay them.

I received an e-mail yesterday:

Dear XXX,

Thank you for taking the time to apply and/or interview with Sirius XM Radio back in March 2009. We regret to inform you that the Receptionist position for which you applied is now filled.

Sirius XM's staffing needs continuously change. We will retain your information in our recruitment database so please continue to look through our open positions for future opportunities.

Due to the large volume of candidates we receive, we will be unable to personally respond to replies to this email. If you would like to check your status for any other position you have applied for, feel free to visit our careers page at http://careers.xmradio.com.

We appreciate your interest in Sirius XM and wish you continued success in your professional endeavors.

Sincerely,

Sirius XM Radio Recruitment Department

I'm thinking about sending them an e-mail back.

Dear XM:

So nice of you to e-mail me about the position that I applied for back in March 2009.

Fuck You.

Sincerely,

The Radio Chick.

Radio colleague Mark Raymond passed away recently. I never met him...buy my heart literally broke when I learned of the news. I read the following on another industry blog and I felt compelled to share:

"...I think Mark Raymond died of a Broken Heart, not by some fine chick from Alabama where he was living and was once the PD of a Huntsville Urban AC , but by the business of radio that he spent most of his life in.

I remember a few years ago Mark wrote something about him getting out the business for ever and how he was frustrated by aolt of the things that were going on and shortly after that he got the PD position in Huntville.

I worked with Mark at the first station I ever worked and he and Chris Turner were PD and Assistant PD and they gave me my first fulltime job in radio at WGIV Charlotte. We were a struggling AM at that time and we were trying to stay afloat while the new FM at that time WPEG was emerging.

Mark, who was from Trenton, NJ and me from Philly were good friends and we both had big dreams of working in big markets, making alot of money and enjoy the life of radio business that we both loved. We often debated over who was the better station WBLS or WDAS. With Mark living in Trenton he heard both stations while I was very partial toward WDAS FM.
Mark left the station to be PD at WERD in Jacksonville, with Chris Turner and they wanted me to come, but I had a new born daughter and didnt want to move at time. I loss track of Mark for a few years and then he called me after hearing me somewhere in he told me that he was out of the radio business and working for Circuit City in the Winston Salem area. He later got back in the business that he loved, radio.

Mark, like me and others have spent almost our entire lives doing this radio thing in small towns like Winston-Salem, Sumter, Huntsville and other towns paying the socalled dues and dreaming of bigger markets and bigger things.

Mark never made it to WBLS like he always talked about but he did what he loved. He was a good kat who was serious about the business and I hope he was fullfilled.
I worked with some good kats and Mark was one of the good ones, and I just wanted to say that cause I havent seen anyone comment on him. Even though he wasnt one of those so called bigtime over hyped PDs or syndicated hotshot, I know he was a real black radio guy who worked in the trenches for little money , little hype, and he deserves his due."

RIP Mark. I honestly know how you felt. God give me strength.